Self Esteem; A Sceptical Perception & Honor for The Greatest

During my life, I trusted myself more than others. My life experiences taugh me that practical skills are something can make me survive until this day, rather my expensive academical knowledge. I never ask, even for the smallest.

I don’t protest, even for my biggest loss… Loosing my mother, my father, my beloved people, and other ordinary things that mean something to mostly of you. I don’t protest my God, neither to ask why. I blame no one for the mistakes I’ve made but my foolness.

Asking is like a restricted thing to me, so all what I need to do is find the answers by myself, being my own problem solver. I wont ask if the answers is easily find. I wont ask if the problem is easily to solve.

I respect myself more than others can give, ’cause if I can not give myself a self respect, I shouldn’t put my hope on others, and I can never respect you. I must help and settle myself first before I decide to help you. Not even just tell nor feel what you felt.

My pride, my favor, my idealism. Some too perfect to be true, but I never want settle for only good, I always demand great, even for the smallest unimportant things. I don’t want to be a maybe, ’cause a maybe never reached the top.

But some people always looking a value of countable number, dismiss the unseen values. In this country, number looks like everyting, something I dislike to count but personal skills.

During my life, I learn and understand that no one can ever save me but myself. So, I always hate if I must ask your help, aside you might can’t do my favor due your lack of understanding.

This day, I’m not sorry for myself, like I always treat myself that personal regret is just useless ’cause the past isn’t repeatable. This day, I feel sorry to you, to them. For those greedy mindset and manner due calculation of numbers, fake emotions, and quantity oriented, all your artificial favor and sense.

I don’t do that… I always prefer quality more over countable numbers. I don’t make friendship with fake friends. I can never trust something until I can’t break it’s solid prooves.

I never change my number since I bought my first cellphone over 13 years ago. Never change my coffee’s brand since the first time I tasted it in my very kid’s age. I’m trying so hard not to switch my gadget’s brand. I’m not that consist… I just trained to follow my personal sense. Never train to follow all those contemporary non-sense.

I am sceptic of everything unprooven yet.

I am sceptic, and I’ll keep asking, and I’ll find the correct logical answers even until my last breath.

I am, sceptic of you. No matter how good is your words unless you can proove it.

I’m not sorry for myself… I feel sorry of you.

But I thank you for some of my greatest best friends ever; thank you to keep your trust in me, for all those invisible presents but always honest and real, always lift me remotely through our physical distant. So far away. Some just gone in their young death.

Like the good attitude of true Mafioso; I owe you so much favors, dear my dearest friends.

(Selatan Jakarta, Oct’ 26th of 2016, after working hours)


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